So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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