Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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