plz talk dirty to me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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