actually, I'm a sock model
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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