got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
