Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
