I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize