i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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