you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
