you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
