the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
