I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
