Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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