I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
