just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
