maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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