Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I currently don't understand fingers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
