How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
