All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
