Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
