I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
