I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
