Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
