she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
