I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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