yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Boobs speak an international language.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
