She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
