Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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