There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
