Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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