Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
