All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
