someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
