we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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