i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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