So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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