I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
