to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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