we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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