OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Terrible idea I love it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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