You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
