if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
