eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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