the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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