she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
