I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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