someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
