I love black thongs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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