so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
