i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
