Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
