We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
