She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
