1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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