This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
