Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
