How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
