I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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