I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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