we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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