woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
