I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
