Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
