Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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