Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
