Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
