Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
