Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
