my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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