She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
