So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
